Flick Read online

  I barely nod and just feel sick all over again. ‘I just need to get the pill before I go home so Mam and Dad don’t find out,’ I say.

  ‘OK,’ she says as she glances at her watch, ‘we better go now. I’ll just go say goodbye to Kev. Does Mike want to come with us?’ she asks.

  I shake my head. ‘I don’t want him to,’ I croak. She turns away. ‘Fee,’ I call, ‘you won’t tell anyone, will you?’

  ‘No, no-one,’ she says.

  Fee has hardly disappeared before my phone starts ringing and I instantly know it’s Mam. It makes me want to cry all the more. Instead I take a deep breath.

  ‘Hey, Mam,’ I say, as casually as possible.

  ‘Felicity! Oh, thank God. Where have you been?’

  ‘W-what?’ I stutter.

  ‘Where were you? What were you up to? I rang twice last night and again this morning. I was really getting worried and I was cursing myself for forgetting Rita’s number.’

  ‘Jeez, sorry. I didn’t realise you rang last night; we were watching some videos and I guess I didn’t hear the phone and this morning I was probably asleep …’ I trail off, hoping she won’t investigate further.

  ‘That’s what your Dad said; he figured you were fast asleep and totally oblivious to me worrying that you were out all night drinking or doing God knows what … I suppose sometimes my mind just runs away with me.’

  The tears start to stream down my face again and I stick my nails deep into my arm to stop myself from crying.

  ‘Mam, I think my battery is going to go,’ I blurt.

  ‘We’ll collect you about eight,’ she shouts.

  ‘OK, OK’ I cut her off before she can say anything else.

  Kev and Fee arrive out just as I hang up. Of course they stand kissing and whispering by the door. ‘We better get going,’ Fee says after a minute. ‘So, do you wanna say a quick goodbye?’ she asks, nodding towards the house.

  I shake my head again.

  ‘Come on,’ Fee says as she grabs my hand, ‘or we’ll miss this train.’

  * * *

  ‘Kar just texted,’ Fee says as we climb onto the bus.

  ‘Oh, please don’t tell her,’ I say. ‘I really don’t want anyone else to know.’

  ‘OK. I’ll text her later and tell her to just meet us at the station. I don’t think she had a good night,’ she continues as I stare out the window. ‘She hooked up with the goalie.’ I nod. ‘Flick, are you sure you’re OK?’ she asks.

  ‘Yeah,’ I lie, ‘I’m just hung-over … and tired … and I dread the thought of going to this clinic.’

  She starts to root around in her bag before handing me some painkillers and a bottle of water. ‘So you had a good night … with Mike?’

  ‘Yeah, yeah,’ I say then bite my lip to stop the tears.

  ‘Cool; he seems like such a nice guy. I’m really glad he snogged you instead of Kar.’

  I want to scream, to tell her to shut up, to tell her what an animal he was. But I just stare out the window wishing I was anyone but me.

  ‘So, what was it like?’ she whispers.

  I feel sick. ‘Fee, I can’t talk about this now; I really don’t feel well,’ I say.

  ‘Sorry.’ She grins. ‘You can tell me all the gory details later.’

  I retch.

  ‘Come on,’ she says, ‘we’re getting off.’

  I sit for ages on some steps on the side of the street in the hope that my stomach will settle. Meanwhile Fee has gotten the number and directions to the Any Woman Clinic.

  ‘We really need to go,’ she eventually says, ‘this could take a while.’

  ‘OK,’ I groan.

  All the way to clinic she talks about Kev and what a great night they had and how wonderful he is. I try to look enthusiastic. It’s only when she mentions Becks that I really start to listen. ‘She really hurt him,’ she says. ‘Do you know that she two-timed him with the team physio? And he’s some ancient forty-year-old.’

  ‘Really?’ I say in a half-hearted sort of way, although I’m not really surprised.

  ‘Yep,’ she says and relays the whole story.

  All the while I’m wishing she’ll just shut up. A dull ache has started in my head and the closer we get to the clinic and the more Fee talks the worse I feel.

  CHAPTER 13

  Fee walks straight up to the receptionist; I lag behind. ‘Hi,’ she smiles, ‘we’d like to see a doctor please.’

  ‘No problem,’ the girl replies in a bored voice. ‘Just take a seat and fill out the form. You’re number fourteen.’

  ‘Right … thanks,’ Fee falters, a little surprised by the pink form she’s handed.

  ‘There are pens on the tables,’ the girl continues as we look around blankly. ‘Please leave them back when you’re finished with them.’

  Fee looks at me and makes a face as we walk across the large brightly-lit reception area with its polished floor boards and tall green plants before plonking ourselves down on blue cushioned chairs. She hands me the form. I sit staring at it for a few minutes, sickened by the thought of having to tell them anything about myself.

  ‘This isn’t so bad,’ she says after a few minutes. ‘There aren’t really that many people in front of us so we might not be here for too long.’

  ‘Yeah,’ I murmur. ‘Fee,’ I say, chewing unconsciously on the end of the pen I’ve picked up, ‘will you help me? They’re asking a million questions and I really don’t want them to know anything about me … my name, address, date of birth …’

  ‘Be careful of that one,’ Fee whispers.

  ‘Why?’ I ask innocently.

  ‘I think the age of consent might be seventeen, which means you’re underage,’ she whispers, ‘so make yourself a year older.’

  ‘Oh, hell, Fee, I really don’t want to do this. Will we just go?’

  She stares at me. ‘Are you bloody mad? What if you get pregnant? Do you want a baby at sixteen? With a guy you hardly know?’

  ‘No,’ I whimper as I try to hold back the tears.

  ‘You need that pill, Flick,’ she says as she squeezes my hand. ‘Just think, this will be over and done with in half an hour but if you ignore this and get pregnant you pretty much have a lifetime of living with the consequences.’

  I look at the form again. ‘Please, help me fill it out,’ I beg.

  ‘Hmm, the fact that they ask for your social security number means that they can probably access your details if they need to anyway,’ she replies knowingly.

  ‘Can’t I just say that I don’t have one?’ I say.

  ‘Everyone has one,’ she says, rolling her eyes.

  ‘Well, I’ll say I’ve forgotten it.’

  She raises her eyebrows.

  ‘Please, Fee, don’t give me that look,’ I say. ‘I really don’t have a clue what my number is and even if I did, I wouldn’t tell them.’ I stare at the page again, ‘So, what name will I put down?’ I whisper. She sits staring blankly at the page. ‘Oh please, help, Fee,’ I beg again.

  ‘I’m thinking,’ she snaps, sick of my nagging. ‘They say that if you have to lie you should stay as close to the truth as possible, then there’ll be less chance that you’ll be caught out.’

  ‘I don’t get it,’ I say, getting frustrated.

  ‘Well, what’s your middle name?’

  ‘Sarah, after Gran.’

  ‘Write it down,’ she orders. ‘And what’s your mother’s maiden name?’

  ‘Davis,’ I say, beginning to write.

  ‘What’s your Dad’s birthday?’ Fee continues. ‘And make out that you’re seventeen so put in the correct year.’

  I actually fill out the form fairly quickly, then under Fee’s orders I study the answers so I won’t be caught out. I start biting my nails as I read but it’s impossible to concentrate. All I want to do is cry. I hate this; I hate being here. The buzzer sounds and a robotic recording announces number thirteen. My stomach churns. Within minutes yet another door opens and a couple walks ou
t.

  I hear my number being called. Fee has to push me out of the seat. ‘You’ll be fine,’ she reassures me as I stand and walk slowly towards the stark white door.

  CHAPTER 14

  I knock quietly before walking in and closing the door behind me. The doctor – a tall, thin lady – is sitting behind her desk. She gives me a brief smile as I say a hoarse hello and hand her the form.

  ‘So, Sarah,’ she says, smiling as she looks at it, ‘what can I do for you?’

  ‘I need the morning after pill,’ I blurt out, hoping I can get it and run.

  ‘I see,’ she replies. ‘And why do you feel you need it? Did you have unprotected sex?’

  I wince and glow a bright red. ‘The condom burst,’ I mumble.

  She nods knowingly. ‘Are you in a relationship?’

  ‘What?’ I say, blinking furiously.

  ‘Do you have a long-term boyfriend?’ she asks more slowly.

  ‘Yes,’ I lie.

  She looks at me for a few seconds. ‘And is he here with you today?’ she persists. I stare at her without saying a word. ‘There are a lot of people who need the morning after pill after a one night stand, and not everyone is lucky enough to have a supportive partner … like you,’ she explains.

  ‘He had to work,’ I say feebly.

  ‘Of course,’ she says, nodding her head. I can see she has me well summed up. ‘Are you living together?’ she continues.

  ‘No,’ I say and clear my throat.

  ‘I just want to make sure you have someone that you can talk to, some support. This can be quite a traumatic experience, especially if this is the first time something like this has happened.’

  ‘It is,’ I say, thinking that I have answered at least one question truthfully.

  ‘Now, when did you have sex?’

  ‘Sorry?’ I ask a little shocked by her question.

  ‘When exactly did you have sex? Was it this morning? Last night? The day before?’

  ‘Last night,’ I say, wishing she’d just give me the damn pill.

  ‘You see, Sarah, the longer you wait between having unprotected sex and taking the pill, the less effective it will be. After seventy-two hours it may not work at all.’

  I nod obediently.

  ‘So you’ve never taken the morning after pill before?’ she asks.

  ‘No,’ I croak, ‘never.’

  ‘Well, you will take two pills now and two more in exactly twelve hours’ time.’

  I stare at her. Great, I think, this is very straightforward, if only she’d give me the bloody things.

  ‘A lot of people tend to feel sick with this amount of hormones in their system so we recommend that you take an anti-sickness tablet an hour before taking the morning after pill.’

  I nod and try to concentrate but all I want to do is leave.

  ‘If you do get sick or if you have diarrhoea within the next three hours or within three hours of taking the second pill then it will not work as it will not have been absorbed into your system.’

  ‘OK,’ I repeat, wondering if I can ask for a second batch, just in case.

  ‘You should also know,’ she continues, ‘that although the morning after pill is extremely effective, there is no guarantee that it will work.’

  ‘What?’ I reply, stunned. ‘I thought …’ My mind is in a whirl. ‘I thought that once I took it everything would be OK.’

  ‘Everything will be OK,’ she reassures me, ‘but you may still get pregnant.’

  ‘I don’t understand,’ I say.

  She smiles reassuringly. ‘A lot of women become pregnant while taking the contraceptive pill and equally some women who take the morning after pill, for whatever reason, still get pregnant.’

  ‘So even if I take this now and again in twelve hours, and even if I’m not sick or anything, it still might not work?’

  She nods. ‘I just need to give you all of the facts so you can make an informed decision.’

  ‘And how will I know whether it has worked or not?’ I ask.

  ‘You will have to wait until your period comes. If it’s late you should do a pregnancy test. When is your period due?’

  I can’t think. I haven’t a clue when my last period was. I rack my brains and try to remember. ‘I think it’s due sometime next week,’ I eventually say. ‘So I won’t know until then?’

  ‘That’s right,’ she nods again. ‘The tests that are out now are quite sensitive but if you don’t get your period and your pregnancy test shows up negative wait a few days and do it again. It sometimes takes a little bit of time for the pregnancy hormone to show up within the body.’

  My mind is spinning again; I’m totally confused by all of this.

  ‘Try not to worry,’ she smiles, then pauses a minute. ‘It’s also my duty to inform you that although there is no conclusive research yet, there are concerns as to the effect of the hormone within the pill on an embryo within the womb.’ I feel sick; I have to get out of here. ‘So if the morning after pill fails to work for you and you get pregnant the hormones from it may have a negative effect on your baby.’

  ‘But …,’ I say, then stop. I don’t want to know anything else.

  ‘I just want you to fully understand and be aware of what you’re doing.’ She pauses and I feel the tears welling up inside me. ‘Are you sure you want to take the morning after pill, Sarah?’ she asks, then waits.

  What other bloody choice do I have? I think. ‘Yeah, I’m sure,’ I say. She opens a drawer in her desk and takes out the pills, explaining which is which and reminding me to take them twelve hours apart.

  ‘OK’ I nod, standing and taking the tablets.

  ‘Sarah,’ she says, just I’m about to go. ‘How well do you know your boyfriend?’ she asks.

  ‘Sorry?’ I say.

  ‘Well, due to the fact that the condom burst you are not protected from any sexually transmitted diseases that your boyfriend may have,’ she pauses, ‘and vice versa.’ I stare at her blankly. ‘How long are you two together?’ she asks.

  ‘About six months,’ I lie.

  ‘Do you know if your boyfriend had any tests done for sexually transmitted diseases before beginning a relationship with you?’

  ‘I dunno,’ I say as the tears begin to well up again.

  ‘And have you had any other sexual partners before this relationship?’ she asks.

  ‘No,’ I whisper.

  ‘I would advise you to have the tests taken for sexually transmitted diseases. Most of these can be treated successfully, if caught in time. We can actually do them now. It only takes a few minutes.’

  ‘It’s just … I have a train to catch,’ I blurt out. ‘Thanks anyway.’ I turn to go, dying to escape.

  ‘Sarah,’ she says in a harsher tone, ‘I think your health is a lot more important than catching a train, don’t you?’

  Considering Mam would kill me if she knew I was here, no, but I reluctantly hear her out anyway. ‘Some of the tests, for example for HIV and syphilis, should be done in six months’ time. So you’ll need to return here then.’

  ‘OK,’ I agree, knowing already that I’ll never come back. I watch as she gets a needle and walks towards me. Within seconds she’s found a vein in my arm. I close my eyes and turn away as she pierces my skin and draws a tubeful of blood. A wave of nausea overtakes me.

  ‘Now, I’ll take a quick swab to rule out chlamydia.’ She directs me towards the bed in the corner and tells me what to do. I close my eyes till it’s all over then dress quickly. I really don’t want to sit back down, to prolong this any longer, but I do. ‘The results of the test for chlamydia will be back next week. If it’s positive you’ll have to go on an antibiotic and your partner will have to be informed and checked,’ she explains as she writes down some notes. ‘You will appreciate that we can’t give the results over the phone but we can send them on to your address if you wish.’ She looks down at my form. ‘At 1 Primrose Lane?’ She raises her eyebrows.

  ‘It’s ov
er beside the college; it’s really lovely,’ I babble.

  ‘Or you can come back in and collect them yourself.’

  ‘I’ll come back,’ I mumble.

  ‘OK. Any questions?’ she asks.

  Millions, I think, but there’s no way I’m going to ask them. ‘No,’ I say shaking my head.

  ‘I’ve taken blood, so you should sit down somewhere and get some tea and something to eat,’ she says, looking at me, ‘and take it easy for the next few hours.’ I nod. ‘Goodbye, Sarah, and good luck,’ she says as I open the door.

  ‘Bye,’ I say lamely.

  I stare in shock when the receptionist tells me how much I owe for the consultation, pill and tests. I empty my pockets, thankful that Dad gave me money for the weekend. Fee comes over and adds the rest.

  ‘Kev wouldn’t let me spend a penny last night,’ she says proudly.

  I try to smile and feel happy for her but really it just makes me feel worse. I grab my bag and blink back the tears as I slowly follow her outside.

  CHAPTER 15

  I take the tablets and feel rotten all the way home and to top it all off Kar completely ignores me! She’s peeved we didn’t answer her texts and she tells Fee it’s all my fault that she ended up with Noel who turned out to be a weirdo and a smelly one at that.

  ‘His room reeked of stinking socks and really bad BO,’ she moans to Fee. It’s worse back in her house; we’re just sitting down to some grub when her Mam asks her how the night went. ‘Fee hooked up with Kev and is now obsessed with him. Flick hooked up with Mike who was chatting me up for most of the night and I hooked up with Noel who turned out to be a complete weirdo and who I never want to think about again, end of,’ she snaps.

  ‘Oh dear. I’m sure you’ll meet a nice boy soon, darling,’ her Mam soothes, ‘try not to let it upset you.’ Kar glares at her before storming upstairs while Fee and I stare at one another.

  ‘I better go and check on her,’ Fee says.

  ‘Uh, me too,’ I blurt, not wanting to be left behind with Rita. ‘Thanks for the lovely meal,’ I stammer as I stand and look at my untouched plate.

  ‘Yeah, it was delicious,’ Fee calls back over her shoulder.